You know you are really paranoid if:
10. Every black SUV you encounter on the freeway makes you check your rearview mirror.
9. You duck and cover whenever a helicopter flies nearby
8. You reach for your hand gun whenever you hear foreign accent
7. You never leave the house without Mr. Smith and Mr. Wesson by your side
6. You only eat Pre-prepared meals sealed and sold by the NRA
5. You have a bomb-proof cabin within 30 minutes of your home
4. Have more than 3 deadbolts on your doors
3. Have a deadbolt on your bedroom door
2. Have two deadbolts on the bathroom door and a motion sensor on your waste pipes
1. Ever voted for or wanted to vote for Newt Gingrich
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